The Journey To A Better Me

I started my weight loss journey August 2019. That is when I decided I was no longer going to keep pouting about my weight and finally do something about it. I love myself don’t get me wrong, but I have never been over 180 until I had kids. I was so used to being under 200 pounds. This is not to say 200 lbs is overweight, every body is different and every person has different views or sizes they feel comfortable in. It’s kind of hard to explain, but the best way is saying I felt like a small turtle in an oversized shell.

I didn’t feel like I fit in my skin, I didn’t feel like I belonged in the body I was in. More than anything, I was not comfortable in my own body and it caused me a lot of pain mentally. I just wanted to feel comfortable and not feel like I didn’t know this body I was walking around in.

When I first met my husband back in 2013 I was 165 lbs. Then when I moved in with him I gained some weight because his family fed me well, and it didn’t help that they owned a restaurant where I could have all of the best greasy mexican dishes there are! I got to about 180-190lbs and then I got pregnant. I used the excuse of being pregnant as a way to overeat and totally let myself go. I gained 40-50 pounds when I got pregnant with my son and I was miserable. I lost some weight after and had a healthier pregnancy with my daughter, but let myself go once again when she was born. It could have been the depression, or lack of energy but it made me unhappy. I got tired of feeling embarassed to see old friends or peers from high school because I was not who I want to be, and I did not want others to see me as that person when I didn’t even want to see myself as that person.

Here is where my journey may differ from others…

I am a very picky eater and I like what I like. Pizza and sweets are essential for my happiness. I am a foodie and I have always been a foodie. So, my journey does not consist of starving myself or drinking smoothies (can’t do because of texture) or eating nothing but veggies (meat and carbs are essentials). What I did do, starting the new year of 2020, was I started meal prepping. Even if those meals are pasta and broccoli or quinoa and chicken strips, this was so I can adjust my body to portion control. I can easily eat a whole pizza by myself, I mean my husband and I could go out to eat and each get a 2 for $20 from Applebees. It was unhealthy so I knew that needed to change and it has.

The more I control my portions, my stomach shrinks and the less I eat without even trying on days we go out to eat. What I used to be able to stuff down, I can barely eat a quarter. Pizza is still a different story, but now I only eat 2-3 slices instead of 8. My weight loss journey is less about diet and changing everything I eat and more about exercise and portion control. I still eat everything I love, just less. And, surprisingly I have willingly, and enjoyably, included more veggies into my meals.

Now on to exercise..

At the beginning of my weight loss journey I started going to the gym twice a week with my accountability partner(s). This was great, but also not the best. I only say this because I took the “accountability” part seriously meaning if they did not go, I did not go. This was also due to my own fear of being alone and being self-conscious. At some point I was just so unhappy with my body and just felt like I don’t belong in this body. I needed out. I knew I had to push myself harder and motivate myself because no one is going to lose the weight for me, I gotta do it for me! I decided to face my fears head on and just go to the gym by myself on days my partner(s) could not go (home work-outs just don’t work for me) and thus started my own journey!

When I started going to the gym on my own it was difficult at first, but I found that good head phones and some really hype music does wonders with focusing my mind on myself alone and not everything around me. Eventually I went from going twice a week to going 4-5 times a week, which is now my routine. I usually do about 1 1/2 hour to 2 hours sessions. I get a good 30 minute cardio, legs/arms/abs (depending on day), and then end with some stretches or 10 minute light cardio.

I am down 16 pounds as of 01/10/2020 from when I started in August of 2019, but again I didn’t fully commit until about November and then of course the holidays… but, 16 pounds is a great start and now that I am more focused and determined than ever, I can’t wait to see my results in the upcoming months.

Stay tuned for updates on my journey, about my favorite exercises and more fun stuff!

And again, this is my journey and my body. Please do not take how I feel towards my body and apply it to yourself. You are beautiful and if you love the skin you’re in, weight is just a number and your happiness is more inportant than meeting the likings of the world around us. But if you feel you’d be more comfortable losing some weight, or even gaining, research and be your own biggest support person! If I was not rooting for myself, I’d be falling back to old unhealthy habits. Love yourself but find where you are comfortable and get there no matter the size. Again, weight is just a number, your HAPPINESS and COMFORTABILITY is the most important aspect of all.

Thank you for all the love and support!

With love, E.Marie

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A writer from Sacramento, Ca who has endured far more heartache than ever anticipated. The pain was transformed into art where hands would write about the things the mouth could not speak of or the emotions that could not be expressed any other way.

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